10 Reasons why you Should Buy Hello Zukeen Issue 2

Hello Zukeen Issue 2 is wrapped up and alive on paper. We’ve had a tipple to celebrate and are still giddy with excitement. We threw a party, made some t-shirts and even spent a weekend in Christchurch covering the Single Fin Mingle. We have been busy.

Last week Cam said something to me along the lines of, "Hey Sam, don't we still have mags to sell?". 

Shit. Yes we do. Two boxes to be precise. The ink is well and truly dry and we’ve got to sell the suckers before the debt collectors come and take all our shit. A ‘10 Reasons Why...’ list was our best worst idea. So here it is, our shameless sales pitch for Issue 2.

 

1. It isn’t that bad

Actually it’s fucking terrific. To hell with self-deprecation. To hell with being tall poppy. Issue 2 will be the best shit via print you’ll read this year. And if it isn’t, come and kick us all in the balls.

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2. We kind of know what we’re doing this time

Issue 1 came together like a drunken orgy, spontaneous and unplanned. We didn’t have a clue what were up to.

This time around, we’re back with the wisdom of a thousand drunk wizards. We kind of know what we’re doing and our second issue is absolutely banging because of it.

3. There’s a story about some Guy that steps on a poisonous fish and almost dies

 It’s hardcore. It’s a tale of life and death. A tale of man versus nature. It’s riveting, hard-hitting and emotional. It will move you. It will have you in tears. It will change your life. Maybe. 

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4. Jacinda is having a baby and Winston Peters is about to become Primeminister

Stuff and the Herald are about to have a field day. Can you imagine the headlines? the tripe from Mike Hosking? It’s going to be atrocious.

At some point, the drivel will become so incessant that you will reach a breaking point and announce your retirement from the internet. You will run for the hills. In isolation you will need some fine publication to soothe your throbbing frontal cortex. That publication, my friend, is Hello Zukeen, Issue 2.

5. We want our money back

We’d be millionaires if we put the same amount of effort into a legitimate business as we put into Hello Zukeen. Print pays diddly squat. It’s as dead as King Tut.

Everytime we go to print, the three of us have to lay down thousands in the name of art. Just so our little mag can exist in the physical world. As much as we love to make magazines, we’re also keen to get our money back. Please buy our mag.

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6. Reading is good for the soul

Reading is a great way to relax. And not the internet. Paper and ink fool. Get a copy of Issue 2, park up somewhere comfy and get weird.

7. Zeitgeist

Zeitgesit is a great word. ‘Zeitgeist’ is ‘the defining spirit or mood of a particular period of history as shown by the ideas and beliefs of the time’.

Hello Zukeen Issue 2 captures the zeitgeist of young kiwi creatives in the late 2010’s. So when we're in our sunset years, old and withered, as death looms, we'll be able to pick up a copy of Hello Zukeen and think something along the lines of  'shit, that was fun...'

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8. It looks good on your table

You don’t even want to read it? No problem. Use it as a ploy to look cool. Just chuck it on your table next to your film camera and other trendy shit.

When your mates visit and ask about the mag, cooly reply, “Oh. You mean you don’t know Hello Zukeen?”.

9. There’s a little something for everyone

Issue 2 is weirder than a North Korea talent show. The variety in the mag is outrageous.

We’ve got interviews with a painter, a house music producer and a psych-folk musician. We’ve got weird little anecdotes about a South American palm reading that goes horribly wrong and a drunken Dunedin morning mystery about a yellow, turmeric infused goonie. We’ve got a photo essay exploring the strange madness of India and the experience of skating in Christchurch.

And heaps more premium crap.

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10. We’re stressed

This mag biz is doing our heads in. We’re nearing breaking point. We’re desperate. I mean, '10 reasons why you should buy Hello Zukeen issue 2'? Fucking hell...

It took three months of therapy to get over issue 1. We’re still fragile and regularly take weekends away to the Catlins to cry in small schist caves.

Our therapist even advised us against issue 2. He told us “you guys probably shouldn’t make another mag, it’s bad for your mental health”, to which we replied, “to hell with your Mr. Therapist! If we don’t make Hello Zukeen Magazine who will? No one! NO ONE!”


Get your copy of Hello Zukeen Issue two here.

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Will Meehan