Instagram Hides Your Likes, Hello Zukeen Saves the Day

IMG_5767.jpg

Last month, Instagram changed the face of social media, and life as we know it.

The Silicon Valley behemoth announced they would test hiding the number of likes on Instagram posts in Australia, Brazil, Canada, Ireland, Italy, Japan, and New Zealand.

The trial has sparked outrage, meltdowns and identity crisis among people that care/rely on people knowing how many likes their posts are getting. The most enraged voices are influencers; the hard-working folk who have built entire careers on people liking their photos. The Influencers claim the experiment is lowering their engagement and compromising their ability to make money by marketing other people's shit. One influencer, Tammy Hembrow (9.7m followers), even claimed she’d take the drastic action of (gasp!) deleting her profile in protest of Instagram hiding her likes. We feel your pain Tammy!

While the trial has hit the influencing world hard, it’s also coming at a cost for the average joe. One study* by Hello Zukeen found that 89% of Instagram users are suffering a mild to severe form of distress now that their followers don’t know how many likes their posts have.

We too, are outraged and during these dark times, it can be hard to find a silver lining. But fear not! Your friends at the Zukeen are here to help! Instagrammers rejoice! Instagrammers unite! Follow these simple steps and your self-esteem and life will be back on track in no time.

instagram-captions-travel-800x500.jpg

Unhide your likes

Instagram hiding your likes? Unhide your likes. Keep a running count of the number of likes on your posts in the comments section with the hastag #unhideyourlikes, so your followers can easily view just how much people love that photo of you doing squats in your new activewear in front of the mirrors at the gym. Take that Instagram.

Copy-of-Copy-of-TEMPLATE-Vertical-Single-23.png

Turn your home into a mirror maze

Visit every second hand shop in a 20km radius and buy every mirror you can. Hang them in your kitchen. Hang them in your bathroom. Hang them in your bedroom. Point mirrors at mirrors. Point mirrors at mirrors at mirrors. Point mirrors at mirrors at mirrors at mirrors at mirrors at mirrors at mirrors at mirrors at mirrors.

Hang them until your humble abode is converted into a mirror maze. Hang them until you can’t take a step without seeing a thousand versions of yourself so you can never forget just how fucking gorgeous you really are.

Do it for the gram

Viva la Instagram. Eat kale. Drink tumeric lattes. Stay in cute tiny homes in the wilderness. Sleep under the stars. Live in swimwear. Fake tan. Adventure dramatic landscapes. Work out. Best not get complacent. Maintain your Instagram lifestyle.

Sometimes it’s easy to forget why we do the things we do. Is it for the gram? Is it because we enjoy it? Is it because others enjoy it? We don’t know. The point is, people are always watching, Instagram or not.

IMG_0045.jpg

Meditate

Meditating is a great way to focus on the present and put yourself in perspective. The age-old practice has brought happiness to millions.

As your likes remain hidden and Instagram’s dark cloud of self-doubt sets in above, sit down in a quiet place, light some incense and focus your breathing and thoughts on this simple meditation:

I am beautiful. My photos are precious. People love me. Tammy Hembrow loves me. My followers love me. My followers love to like my selfies and landscapes. They love my photos. I am beautiful.

instagram-arms-selfie-stuck-roys-peak.jpg

Boycott

Millennials have for long been accused of apathy and a reluctance to engage in political action. This is our moment! This will be the movement of our generation! It is time to take a leaf out of Tammy Hembrow’s book of threats and take drastic action! We must boycott!

It is time to band together and follow our god-given saviour Tammy, voice of the people, saviour of the internet. It is time to take a leap of faith and dive into a brave new world of shameless self-promotion, a free and liberal world where likes are available for all to see. It is time to move back to Bebo.

*Rough estimations, more than anything.

Hoffman Zuringer